March 22, 2012

Don’t Buy an iPad (2012 Edition)

As I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, the new iPad sucks. Obviously, since it’s 0.6 milimeters thicker, 1.8 ounces heavier, and gets slightly warmer if you leave it plugged in while running the most demanding software non-stop for 45 minutes while holding it over a candle…* it is clearly garbage and should not be purchased by anyone for any reason.

I mean, unless you like games… or the internet.

Or video-calling your folks so they can visit with their granddaughter for a few minutes before she goes to bed, even though they live nearly a hundred miles away.

Or reading. Or sharing photos. Or listening to music. Or making music. Or learning new things. Or staying in touch with your friends. Or getting stuff done. Or writing a blog post.

I mean, for those things, it’s incredible.

Posted from my iPad.

* Some aspects of this dramatic essay have been embellished for comedic effect. For example, if you don’t want your iPad to get too warm, I would also recommend against storing it in a kangaroo’s pouch for any length of time.

(Previously: Don’t Buy an iPad & Don’t Buy an iPad, Continued)