Tabitha and I spent the bulk of the weekend shopping for, selecting, purchasing, transporting, and assembling a new California King size mattress (plus box springs, bed frame, cushion, and sheets). The entire operation involved a rented truck, sustained heavy lifting, sophisticated knot tying, profuse sweating, lunch at Chevys, and other equally disgusting and stressful experiences. Getting the damn thing up the stairs precipitated a near-death experience for yours truly. A hammer supplied some time ago by one Mr. Runco proved instrumental in bending the metal frame to our will. The old bed was photographed for potential resale, disassembled, and stored in the gigantic closet adjacent to our living room. I’d now like to ask us all to take a moment and pray to Joe Pesci that this is the last bed we ever have to buy. Thank you.